So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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