The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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