if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
