things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
