did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
