So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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