If that was your dad, he is hot
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
