I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
