That's intense
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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