would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You pole danced in your parka.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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