Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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