I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
