she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
