So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
