I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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