id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
