Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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