Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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