Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
