Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
