I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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