That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
