Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
