I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
