I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize