wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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