the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize