Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize