I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
