Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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