I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
