he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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