I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
