Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
