I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
PANTIES FOUND
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