If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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