Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
