I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
