so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
