sarcasm needs its own font
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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