Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize