my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
