How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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