I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
