And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize