woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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