drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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