Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
