I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
