wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
