I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
