and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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