He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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