the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
