take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
