wakey wakey hands off snakey
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
