My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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