Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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