I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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