I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
