all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
