If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
