Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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