rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
