So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
