i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
