1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
