GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
