i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
