We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
there is glitter all over my balls
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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