I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
