Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
