Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize