I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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