I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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