I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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