Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
