one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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