Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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