Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
